We talked for a bit about both our folks...her dad....my mom....and how it felt to be working through their deaths. Even though they were, in his case 90-something and mom was in her mid-80's, you still have to work through a fair bit of 'stuff'.
She's going back to Ontario to bury him and tend to her mom during this transition this week-end...all the while working through the usual grieving stages that, at our age, seems so familiar. The older you get - the more familiar this becomes!
We spoke of what our relationships were with our parents - they were both very dynamic people and we often measured ourselves against their benchmarks. Because of this, I've been thinking (OH NO! NOT AGAIN!) about the legacy that we leave in the world. Will it be a few days? Months? Until all our kids are dead and gone?
Even if it's a short span of time, the legacy that you leave can be positive - or negative. In her case, she spoke of a father that had been in the military during World War II and spun at the center of his universe while all the rest of the family just were satellites around his 'world'.
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| Grandpa Vic Devoir |
Then there are souls like my granddad. My memories of him are fond and poignant. Memories...linking us together even though he's been gone since the early '80's. He was a gentle man. Loved his family. Gardened joyfully and well. I still wish I'd paid more attention to how he pruned the apple orchard!
He was never happier than when he was marching down the country lane with the four of us grandkids in tow, singing World War I marching songs while pacing down the road. (...had a good wife but I left, your right...) Somehow all the people in my life, as well as myself, are measured best against this man.
My granddaughter is coming to visit this summer. What memories will she take home with her. What legacy am I leaving? Positive? Negative?
Neutral? (I'm not sure if that wouldn't be the worst of it!)
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